Last week, I went to an event aimed at female healthcare scientists. My feelings about it are mixed and I could probably write another entire post about it. As a very brief summary, although I found some parts of it interesting and useful, I was frustrated at references to well-worn stereotypes - women are 'nurturing' and good at multi-tasking - and the generally quite binary nature of some of the discussion.
Leading on from that, today I was told that feminism - at least where "self-proclaimed feminists" are concerned - "is not about equality".
I'm disappointed that I didn't feel able to speak up properly in this particular situation. There were a number of contributory factors. For example, one of the people involved enjoys winding people up. I do not enjoy being wound up, and it's not a good position from which to start a conversation about something which means a lot to me.
Also, I was at work, and by 'at work' I mean 'actively engaged in doing something'. It wasn't an appropriate time to have an in-depth conversation - I wouldn't have been able to concentrate on both what I was doing and a complex conversation, and I wouldn't expect other people to either.
But it doesn't sit well with me not to say anything. How can things change if nobody speaks up? What is the point of me feeling strongly about something, if I keep it all in my own head, or talk about it only to a group of like-minded and supportive friends?
On top of all that, I am acutely aware that my interpretation of the world around me is the most unique and important thing I can ever contribute to anything, be it professional or personal. So if I feel silenced and ignored and I'm hurt by that, then it's not enough to curl up under the duvet and feel sorry for myself, much though I might want to. I have to speak up somewhere and somehow, or I'm complicit in my own voicelessness.
I believe that feminism is about equality. Feminism is working towards equality for everyone, regardless of race, background, belief or gender.
Feminism is the reason I can vote and own property and work. Feminism has allowed me to choose whether or not to have children, or marry, and what career to pursue.
Feminism is me using my privilege as a well-educated, white, cis-gendered woman to lift up people who don't have those advantages. Feminism is the way I try to make the world a better place. Feminism is having the difficult conversations, when and where I can, so that other people might not have to. Feminism is making the world a safe place for everyone.
Feminism is knowing that when the world says I'm not feminine enough, I'm not clever enough, I'm just not enough - that this is so much drivel. Feminism is me not having to feel awkward or ashamed for rarely wearing make-up, and each of us having the choice to wear it if we want to.
Feminism is not being limited by the expectations other people place on us. Feminism is no-one else having to hear derogatory comments about female physicists or male nurses.
Feminism is recognising that everyone should be able to express their emotions without judgement, and working towards a world where men can talk about their feelings instead of dying from them.
Feminists are not a homogeneous group, so it would be naive to expect that I will agree with all feminists on all issues. But also, humanity is diverse, and diversity is our superpower.
I am a feminist because I want the world to be a better place. I want people to be kinder to each other and to lift each other up, and I know that this can't happen without change, and change doesn't happen by accident, without work. Feminism is doing this work, in all the little or large ways that I can, to make the better place a reality.
